The evening was cool the sky was faint with a strip of orange left on the horizon.  Two bodies huddled closely together in the nearby park, arms linked and fingers entwined.  Such a beautiful sunset it was, and such a perfect ending to a wonderful day spent together.  Though things seemed to be at a tension lately today Bill felt at ease.  For today his step-mother was at home, and his father was away on business… or so he thought.  It seemed that Christine’s plan had already been set in motion, and though Bill suspected some foul play from her, he never expected it this soon… or this sneaky.  Ugly, just as Bill had thought, and there was no other way for Christine to play her dirty game.

A beautiful evening, a beautiful moment shared, a beautiful memory ruined.  As the pair sat together on the hill, snuggled closely to one another a tall and lonely figure spied on them from a distance.  With a disgusted scowl he watched the two exchange a few kisses and tender touches, and it wasn’t until Bill had returned home that he’d learned he’d been caught.

Jorg had a sour look on his face, one worse than usual.  Walking into the living room Bill couldn’t help but question his father’s mood. “Is something wrong dad?”

“Should have taken that makeup on your face as an early warning,” Jorg said with a mere spat.  He looked Bill’s disheveled form up and down with a disgusted stare.  Who knew what his son had done with that boy after he’d left.

Bill furrowed his brow at his father, “…What do you mean?”

“Disgusting,” Jorg said, shaking his head at his son, “kissing boys.  What else are you doing behind my back?”

“I… what!?” Bill felt his stomach drop at those words.  His father couldn’t have possibly known about he and Tom… could he? “Dad I don’t know what you’r-”

“Don’t even try,” Jorg said, cutting Bill off with a snap. “I saw you, both of you.  Makes me sick.”

Bill looked away from his father, his eyes adverting to the carpeted floor; he didn’t know what to say. “I’m… sorry….”

“Get your ass upstairs, you’re grounded.” Jorg reclined back in his chair, snatching up the half-filled glass of booze that sat on the little end table.  It wasn’t just a meager disappointment that he felt for his son, no it was far more.  It was a goddamn letdown.  Back years ago Jorg had chuckled when his comrade’s son had come out of the closet, and here now he was dealing with the same thing.  Looking back though it should have been so clear, after all Bill was never your average boy. “Fucking faggot.”

Even though Bill had expected this sort of treatment from his father it still hurt.  Swallowing his tears back he nodded, and scuttled off upstairs.  Showing no emotion, not for his father to see, he kept everything bottled inside until he closed his door, and only then did he let his tears fall.

With a choked sob Bill fell onto his bed and buried his face into his pillow.  A fit of frustrated screams emitted from his wracking chest, he knew deep down that his father would now do anything it took to keep he and Tom apart.  Everything, all Bill knew, all he cared for, was falling apart before his eyes.  How could he have not seen this coming?  Christine said that he would greatly regret pushing her away, and he was sure this is what she meant by it.  No matter though, she wasn’t worth degrading himself for, even if it meant his relationship was out to his father.

Rolling over onto his side Bill glanced over at the clock.  It was getting late, it was almost nine, and come tomorrow Bill was supposed to meet up with Tom for school.  School….  That was Bill’s only chance of seeing Tom now, he was sure of it.  Heaving a sigh Bill sniffled softly and closed his eyes, praying that this was all just a bad dream and that by morning his father would be in a good mood.

*****

“Get up off your ass faggot!”

“Ahh!” Bill rolled out of his bed with a squeal and a thud.  Blindly scrambling across the room he tried to find his BDU’s; he should have known his father would take it to this level.

“I am not asking you to take your sweet prissy time!  Now get dressed!” Jorg hollered, sticking his reddened face in Bill’s.

“I’m going as fast as I can,” Bill said, struggling to put his shirt on.  He quickly slipped his black boots on his feet and tucked them neatly over the leg of his pants.

“Don’t you talk back to me you little shit!” Jorg gave Bill a good whack on the back of the head, followed by a swift kick behind the knee. “Get up!  And get your ass outside!  Move it!  Move it!”

Bill stumbled out of his room in a half-tired daze and hurried outside into cold, rainy morning.  Starting down the sidewalk with a light jog he headed for the wooded path his father usually made him take.

“Not that way Bill, not this time!” Jorg hollered, as he opened the driver’s side of his car door.  Climbing inside he fired up the engine and pulled out of the driveway. “You’ll follow me.  We’re going that way, up the hill.”

“But dad,” Bill started, lungs already flooding with that cold morning air, “that’s a long way, and it’s freezing out!”

“Don’t talk back!” Jorg snapped. “And get to jogging!  I’ll tell you when enough is enough!”

With a dreaded sigh Bill followed his father’s black car up the winding hill.  Jorg didn’t take it easy on him either.  He kept his pace at an even ten miles per hour, and whenever Bill lost a bit of momentum he would bump it up to fifteen.  It was pure hell for Bill, and at one point Bill had to even break from his running to get sick.  By the time Bill had reached his driveway he was a soaking, shivering mess, and unfortunately for him his father wasn’t done with him.

“Backyard!” Jorg shouted, giving Bill’s soaken form a good shove.

Bill staggered to the backyard and nearly fell to his knees.  He was so worn out from that run, so painfully out of breath that his lungs burned with each and every gasp.  His mind was a foggy haze, tripping on the cold, damp air that seemed to engulf him in the dim morning light.  Looking to his father Bill tried to keep focus on what he was saying, he tried to keep focus on his orders.

“Drop down and give two-hundred!”Jorg snarled, pointing to the sodden ground below him.

Bill dropped to his knees with a grunt.  Placing his shaky hands on the sopping wet ground he fought to hold himself up.

“You call that a push-up?!” Jorg shouted. “You’re pathetic!  A damn shame that’s what you are!  Step it up!” Walking around Bill’s struggling form, Jorg gave Bill a kick in the side, forcing him to fall face first in the puddle of mud that surrounded him.

Gritting his teeth Bill worked against his trembling body and forced himself up once more.  A small bubble began to build in the back of his throat, a tiny whimper slipping through, he couldn’t handle this abuse anymore; it was too much.  With a whine and sniffle Bill began to cry.

Jorg stooped over and looked Bill in the eyes with a scrutinizing gaze. “Are you crying?! Are you crying?!”

Bill glanced up at his father with a near glare and tried his best to suck it up, but it just wouldn’t work; he was far too tired, and far too upset.

“There’s no crying in this household!  You’re a Kaulitz!  Suck it up!” When Bill didn’t follow orders and quiet his tears as Jorg had told him to, Jorg decided to man things up. “I’ll fix that for you.  I’ll remind you why we don’t cry,” he said, grabbing a set of weights from his weight bench inside.  Placing them on Bill’s back he added more strain to Bill’s push-ups.

Whimpering softly Bill struggled to keep his balance, “Dad… please….  I can’t….”

“Don’t you dare,” Jorg warned, but as soon as those words slipped from his lips Bill collapsed to the ground with a thud; he was finished.  Jorg sighed and shook his head at his good for nothing son, “Get inside.  Clean up.  I’ll call you in.”

Slowly pulling himself off of the ground Bill practically crawled to his room.  Stripping off his muddy BDUs he turned on the tap for the bath and climbed in with a painful sigh.  Every fiber in his body ached, every bit of him shook, weak with overexertion.  Out of all the training sessions in his life this one had to be the worst.

“Yes, my son will not be able to make it into school today,” Jorg said, pacing the floor a little as he talked on the phone.  It didn’t guilt him one bit that he had to call Bill in for something he had caused; it wouldn’t be the first time. “I don’t know, can’t walk straight.  I think he and his boyfriend were having a bit too much fun if you catch my drift.  Can you send that message into ROTC for me?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line before the receptionist spoke, "Uh… word for word sir?”

“Please,” Jorg said with a smile, as if it were normal to share your children’s private affairs with the world. “Word for word.”

“Okay then sir….  I’ll make sure his commanding officer gets the message.”

“Oh no, no, no, you may send the  message out to the group.  I wouldn’t want his fellow comrades wondering about his absence.”

“General message….  Will do sir.”

The woman on the other end of the line didn’t seem all to thrilled by this idea, but in Jorg’s eyes it was for Bill’s own good. “Thank you.  You have a nice day now.  Bye.”

Hanging up the phone Jorg wandered upstairs to Bill’s room, where Bill was just stepping out of the bath. “Bill, I called you in,” Jorg said, knocking lightly on Bill’s bathroom door. “I doubt you’ll be of much use today, so grab yourself something to eat and rest up.  But come tomorrow you are to go back to class, understand?”

“Yes dad….”

“Good.  And I don’t want to see you talking to that boy anymore.  Find yourself a girlfriend for christ’s sake.” With that Jorg walked away, leaving Bill to deal with his pain and misery all alone.

*****

Catching Bill in the hall Tuesday morning Tom made a hurried dash for him.  Having been ignored since Sunday evening, no answers or responds to his texts and messages he was more than a bit worried. “Bill, I’ve been worried sick about you!  What’s going on?  Why haven’t you returned my texts?” Tom looked over Bill’s pale and worn figure for a moment before adding, “You look terrible.  Are you sick?”

Bill sniffled a little and shrugged, that jog in the rain yesterday did him no good, but catching a cold was the last thing on his mind. “I’m sorry I worried you Tomi, but I got in trouble at home….”

“Did you come home too late or something?” Tom asked, thinking it was the usual routine of Bill’s father being an overbearing drill sergent.

“…He knows Tomi.”

There was a long pause before Tom lifted his hands to speak. “How?”

“He saw us at the park the other day.  I’m sure Christine has something to do with it but….” Bill sighed and wiped a couple of tears from his eyes.  It wasn’t something he was proud of doing, especially in public, but he couldn’t help it.  “He says that I can’t see you anymore, that we can’t even be friends.  I love you Tomi, I need you.  I can’t….  God!”  Bill screamed a little in his frustration, it just wasn’t fair what his father was doing to him!
“Are we…?  I mean….” Tom’s bottom lip trembled in the anticipation of Bill’s words.  Bill couldn’t possibly be thinking of ending their relationship… could he? “Bill….”

Bill shook his head, “I can’t.  Fuck him.  I just can’t do this.  My life’s already shit.  I’ve lost everything I’ve ever cared about.  I can’t lose you too….”

“Can we really keep this from your dad?” Tom had never been dishonest in his life, but there was a first time for everything, and Bill was well worth it.

“We’ll try.  But if he finds out….  I can’t back down from him Tomi.  I can’t let him get away with this.  Been a long time coming.” Bill had struggled with his father for so many years, it was a wonder he didn’t try and take a stand before.

Tom nodded a little.  Wiping away a few tears of his own he sighed.  He longed to hold Bill in his arms, but here in the school hall, and with everything out it in the open it was impossible.

“I guess I should get to class….”

“Yeah… me too….”

“I’ll meet you after school, okay?  Behind the building.  We’ll walk to your house from there.”

“What about your dad?”

“I’ll tell him I’m staying late at school or something, going to a friend’s house to study.” Bill smiled softly at Tom, he could tell the elder boy was worried about this whole lying deal. “Don’t worry.  As long as it’s for school he won’t mind.”

Tom nodded and smiled a little himself. “I’ll make you some soup or something when we get to my place.  Make you feel better.”

“Soup,” Bill smiled, “sounds great.” Backing down the hall he waved a little goodbye, “Love you.”

“Love you too.”  Tom sighed as he watched Bill somewhat limp away.  He knew that Bill’s father had drilled him again, that he had run him into the ground and beat him.  It killed Tom to know what was going on in that so called “household” and he wished that there was something he could do.  But as long as Bill was willing to defend his father’s disciplinary ways there wasn’t.

*****

A few hours wait didn’t seem that long at first, but school was turning out to be a living hell for Bill.  It seemed that his father had conveniently let it slip that he and Tom were an item, and now the guys at school were getting their jollies out on it.  The first couple of blocks weren’t so bad, a few jabs here and there, maybe a shove or two, but it wasn’t until he ran into one of friends from ROTC that things really got ugly.

The pressure had been building up all day, and it took everything Bill had in him to not lash out at the next person.  One fight could send him to the principal’s office and land him in deeper trouble at home; it just wasn’t worth it.  However, hearing his friend Andi make a shady comment about him in the cafeteria it became too much. “You know if you have something to say you can say it to my face.”

“Just wondering if you really take it up the ass from your boyfriend.” Andi crossed his arms over and smirked at Bill as he awaited an answer, his friends behind him snickered.

“I don’t think my sex life is any of your business,” Bill said with a bit of a glare.  He couldn’t believe how Andi was acting, it was reminding him of his father in the most sickening way.

“So you do.” Andi shook his head and chuckled. “I should have known, hanging out with that fag like you have been.”

“Excuse me?” Bill’s eyes narrowed at that, just who the hell did Andi think he was?!

“Look, I thought you were cool.  You attended military school all your life, you know the most amazing combat moves, and your dad’s a lieutenant.  But come man, now this?” Andi scoffed a little. “You can’t be a fag in the military it just doesn’t work like that.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be in the military,” Bill said, giving Andi a cross look.  He was about two seconds away from punching the blonde kid in the face.

“I think it’s your best bet.  Besides, combat and nail-care don’t go hand-in-hand.”

Bill shook his head, he was completely taken aback by Andi’s words. “Dick,” he muttered.

“Dick?  No thanks, I don’t swing that way.  Maybe you can ask your retarded boyfriend to help you with your problem.”

In that moment, something inside of Bill snapped. “Fuckin’ asshole!” Lunging across the table Bill made a grab for Andi’s arm; he was going to kill him.  It was a mistake, a grave mistake, Andi was no match for Bill, and Bill would certainly end up with a suspension for it.  But luck was on his side, and before he could even touch the hairs on Andi’s arm he felt someone pull him back.  It was Tom.

“Forget him Bill.”

“Tomi didn’t you hear what he said?!” Bill was livid, and he couldn’t allow Andi to get away with talking like that, not about Tom.

“He’s not worth it,” Tom said.  He gave Bill a gentle tug away from the sniggering blonde. “They’re not worth it.”

“You’re worth it….” Bill plopped back in his chair and sighed a heavy sigh; he just wanted to go home, forget this place even existed.

“Aww how cute, the little faggot’s boyfriend came to save the day,” Jordan taunted.  One of the boys standing nearby, he couldn’t handle it anymore he had to make a comment.

Andi laughed at Jordan’s comment before leaving Bill and Tom be.  Chalk it up to his father, Bill had just endured the worst punishment to date.  Nothing could get worse then this.

*****

“Thanks Tomi.” Bill smiled up at Tom and accepted the bowl of soup his boyfriend had prepared for him.  Sitting on the couch, all curled up beneath Tom’s quilt with a box of tissues at his side, he’d never been pampered so much in his life, not since the passing of his mother. “You don’t have to do all of this you know.”

Tom smiled sweetly at Bill and gave his cheek a little kiss,  “I want to,” he said.

“You’re going to get sick,” Bill giggled.  He scooped up a spoonful of the chicken soup and blew on it softly.

“I don’t care.  You’re worth it.” Tom snuggled up at Bill’s side and watched him sip on his soup.  He was happy to see his boyfriend in good hands for once.

“Yeah….  Can you believe Andi today?  I mean, I can’t believe he said those things….”

Tom merely smiled a little at Bill he wasn’t sure what to say.  Andi had always been rude, at least with him.

“I just….  I never thought he’d do something like that…” Bill trailed off a bit, then looking to Tom asked, “He’s never talked to you like that before… has he?”

“That’s not important,” Tom said, trying to brush the subject off.   Andi was not one of his favorite people to discuss.

Bill frowned at that, “He has, hasn’t he?  He’s treated you like shit, and I’ve never noticed.” Clinking his spoon against his bowl he sighed; he felt like beating himself up for this one.

“Bill, don’t worry about it.  It’s the past.”  Tom gave Bill’s back a little rub to reassure him, but Bill wasn’t having it.

“No.  I’m tired of people treating you like shit.  I’m tired of people treating me like shit.  I can’t do this anymore Tomi.  I just can’t.  I’m fucking sick of it.  I mean if you knew half the things my father expects of me….  I’m just getting tired.” Tired was an understatement, Bill was downright exhausted.  He was growing thin, wearing weak at the end of his fray; he wasn’t sure how much more he could take.  Tom could see it as well, he could see it in Bill’s eyes, and he only hoped that Bill didn’t break at the wrong time.