WARNING: TWINCEST!

Oh my god! What have I done?!  Bill… my baby brother… I couldn’t have…. I did…. What am I going to do? How am I going to fix this?

I sulked out of my bedroom and into the kitchen, kicking myself the whole way.

What a worthless piece of shit I am for doing that. For… no I can’t say it…. God, will he even talk to me? I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. Please forgive me Bill....

As soon as I entered the kitchen area I saw Bill. He was seated in the corner all hunched over, slowly munching on his cereal. I lightly padded across the cold tile floor, hoping that he wouldn’t notice me… but he did.  With a mouth full of food and spoon in hand he froze; and his eyes grew wide as he stared at me.

“M-morning Bill,” I stuttered nervously.

I bit my lip and took a few steps closer to him. He drew back, still holding the spoon in his mouth.

“Bill, look I-”

“Stay away from me!” he yelled and he threw the spoon at my head. I ducked and barely missed it. Bill climbed on the table and hurriedly scrambled across it in an effort to get away from me.

“Bill, wait!” I begged, grabbing at his shirt.

“NO! DON’T TOUCH ME!” he screamed at the top of his lungs. “DON’T-”

“Bill shh!” I clamped my hand over his mouth. “You’re going to wake the whole house,” I hissed. “Be quiet!”

Bill flinched at my sudden movement. His eyes grew watery and his whole body shook as he began to cry; he was terrified. I let go of him and backed off a bit.

“Bill… I-I’m sorry… I-”

“Please don’t hurt me,” he sobbed, “please.”

I backed myself against the wall and stared at the ground and fought a few tears. Bill glanced timidly at me. When he realized I wasn’t going to move, he made a mad dash out of the kitchen and didn’t once look behind him. I plopped down on a chair and sighed as I dropped my head in my hands. What have I done? I thought. He’s never going to trust me again.

*****

I didn’t see hide nor hair of Bill until that afternoon. It was when I was in the living room that he sluggishly walked in. He scuffed along the floor with his head down, rubbing at his eyes, and drowning in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a hoodie. I had never seen Bill so lazily dressed before.

He wouldn’t even acknowledge me when he walked by to snatch his mp3 player, which was the only reason why he came in. He put the buds in his ears and pulled his hoodie over his head as he walked away.

I sighed and tossed the remote on the couch. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t pretend like nothing happened when I sure as hell knew something did. I had to talk to Bill.

I slowly put my hand up to his bedroom door, getting ready to knock when I heard Bill’s voice on the other side….

“No, no I didn’t like it.”

“I didn’t even want it…. No! It’s not true!”

“Oh yes, I would…” he moaned. “I mean no! No, I wouldn’t!”

“What the hell?!” I whispered to myself. “Who is he talking to?”

I softly knocked on the door. “Bill?”

The talking came to an abrupt end and I heard Bill’s bare feet lightly tread across the floor. He cracked the door open a bit and stuck his head out, and waited for me to talk.

“Umm… c-can we talk?”

“About what?” he was very short.

“About last ni-”

“There’s nothing to talk about!” he yelled, and then he slammed the door in my face.

I sighed in defeat and sulked away, and as I did, I could swear I heard Bill arguing with himself….

*****

“Bill please… just look at me,” I pleaded.

Bill walked by as if I didn’t even exist and opened the fridge to examine its contents.

“Please….”

He finally shot a look at me from behind the door, but nothing more. It was the most attention I had received from him since this afternoon.
I gently placed my hand over his, and he jerked away.

“Don’t touch me!” he yelled.

“But Bill I-”

“No!” he stuck his nose in my face. “Don’t touch me! Don’t even look at me,” he seethed, giving me a nasty look. “Sick fuck,” he hissed before shoving past me.

I dropped my head down in shame. Okay, I thought to myself, I deserved that.

*****

“Bill, Tom, Gordon and I are going to go out. Do you need anything while we’re gone?” My mother asked sweetly. She put on her coat and stood by the front door, waiting for an answer.

Bill was sprawled out on the living room floor, watching television and snacking on some chips. He looked quite irritated that our mother had so rudely interrupted him, and it came out in his voice.

“What?” he asked, breaking his gaze from the television.

“I asked if you wanted anything while I’m gone?” my mother repeated, keeping her sweet tone.

Bill turned back to the television and sighed. “No, I don’t need anything.”

“Are you okay sweetie?” she asked Bill, and she put her hand on his forehead.

“I’m fine mom,” Bill whined, pushing her hand away.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure.” He was getting more and more irritated by the moment, and I knew that it had something to do with me.

“Well okay,” she said, sounding completely unconvinced. “Tom,” she pointed at me, “keep an eye on your brother okay?”

“Okay mom,” I mumbled.

“I’ll see you two later. I love you,” she smiled, and she shut the door behind her.
Bill rolled over and glared at me. “Don’t get any ideas.”

I sighed and crawled off of the couch toward Bill. I half-expected him to run away from me, and dash off to his room, but to my surprise, he remained still.

“Look Bill, I’m really sorry.” I bit my lip and lowered my head, avoiding any eye-contact.

I heard Bill snort. “Oh it’s okay Tomi,” he spoke sarcastically. “You only held me against my will, and raped me. I mean no big deal right?!”

“Bill, I really am sorry!” I cried, making my voice break. I looked up at my twin brother with a teary gaze. “I’m so sorry…. I never meant to hurt you....”

Bill shook his head and his face twisted into a look of disgust. He backhanded me across the face, and broke the skin with the ring he wore. I clasped my hand over my bleeding cheek and stared at Bill in shock – though I did not blame him.

Bill was quick to change his expression from a look of hatred to a look of concern, when he realized how hard he had hit me. He crawled closer to me and pulled my hand away to inspect the damage he did. Then as gentle as he could he stroked the tender skin, drawing ever closer. He gripped the back of my neck and nuzzled his nose against my face, and slowly pressed his lips to mine. I felt his tongue grazing my lips, begging for an entry. Though entirely confused, I allowed it and Bill gingerly caressed his tongue against mine.

When he finally pulled away, he had an almost stunned look on his face as if he were trying to piece together what he just did. He awkwardly stood up and scurried off to his room without another word.

What the hell just happened? I thought he was mad at me….